I did a sugar detox. And let me tell you—coming off sugar felt like coming off heroin. Oh…my…God.
It sucked.
Three days of pure misery—shaking, sweating, headaches. And the swearing! Okay, maybe the swearing wasn’t a side effect, but it sure helped. Let’s be honest, dropping an F-bomb (or ten) makes everything feel slightly more manageable.
But here’s the kicker—I didn’t even think I ate that much sugar. Turns out, I was wrong. So wrong.
Sugar. Is. Everywhere.
Once I started reading labels, I felt personally attacked. Ketchup? Sugar. Pasta sauce? Sugar. Crackers? Sugar. Salad dressing, spice blends, croutons?! Sugar, sugar, sugar! And let’s not even get into the high fructose corn syrup situation—that stuff is lurking in places you wouldn’t expect, like a creepy stalker.
No wonder we’re an unhealthy nation. Sugar is designed to keep us hooked. Just like heroin. It’s engineered to make you crave more.
The Light at the End of the (Very Long) Tunnel
After two weeks, the cravings stopped. Miraculously, I didn’t feel the need to shove a cookie in my face every five minutes. Even crazier? I started noticing how unnecessarily sweet certain foods were. I grabbed a handful of croutons, and BAM—sugar. Why? Why do croutons need sugar? I don’t need my salad tasting like dessert!
So, I took matters into my own hands.
Homemade Croutons: Because You Deserve Better
Have you ever read the ingredients on store-bought croutons? Let’s take a moment to process this:
New York Texas Toast Croutons
ENRICHED WHEAT FLOUR (WHEAT FLOUR, NIACIN, FERROUS SULFATE, THIAMINE MONONITRATE, RIBOFLAVIN, FOLIC ACID), CANOLA AND/OR SUNFLOWER OIL, SEASONING [SUGAR, WHEY, SALT, ROMANO CHEESE (MILK, SALT, CHEESE CULTURES, ENZYMES), PARMESAN CHEESE (MILK, CHEESE CULTURES, SALT, ENZYMES), TOMATO, GARLIC*, NATURAL FLAVOR (INCLUDING AUTOLYZED YEAST EXTRACT), VINEGAR*, SPICES, PARSLEY], SALT, WATER, YEAST, NATURAL BUTTER FLAVOR (A MILK INGREDIENT), MALTED BARLEY FLOUR, CITRIC ACID AND/OR TOCOPHEROLS ADDED TO MAINTAIN FRESHNESS.*
Did you catch the sugar in there?
Now, here’s my simple, no-nonsense homemade version:
Joan’s Croutons
4 slices homemade bread (flour, salt, yeast, and water—nothing else!), cut into ½” cubes
2 tablespoons olive oil
¼ to 1 teaspoon seasoning of your choice (I love Penzey’s Justice or Tuscan Sunset—both are sugar-free)
A pinch of salt
👉 Heat oven to 375°F and grab a half sheet pan. (You can also toast them in a frying pan).
👉 In a large bowl, toss bread, olive oil, seasoning, and salt together.
👉 Spread evenly on the sheet pan and bake for about 20 minutes, tossing every 5 minutes.
👉 Bake until golden brown and crisp to your liking.
You Don’t Have to Quit Sugar Completely (I Didn’t)
Let’s be real—I’m not here to tell you to never enjoy another cupcake. That would be cruel. The key is awareness. Read labels. Know what you’re eating. Swap out the hidden sugars where you can.
And when you do treat yourself? Actually enjoy it.
Savor it. Sit down. No TV, no phone, no distractions. Take your time and appreciate every bite. If you do that, you’ll be surprised how much more satisfying it is. Plus, you won’t suddenly look down and wonder, where the heck did my cookie go?
So, here’s to being more mindful, making small changes, and kicking sugar’s grip—one crouton at a time.
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