If you follow my dog blog, Joan of Bark, you may have already seen this week’s post over there, because Benji inspired both. That post is all about something that genuinely stopped me in my tracks: the way dogs can literally sense the state of your nervous system. They’re not reading your mind. They’re reading your body. Your breathing pattern. Your heart rate. The tension in your shoulders. Benji does it to me all the time. Some mornings he’ll settle at my feet the moment I sit down, calm and soft. Other mornings, he won’t stop pacing around me, nudging my hand, refusing to settle. I used to think he was just being goofy. Now I know he was picking up on me. And what he was picking up on was a nervous system that needed some serious attention. Go read that Joan of Bark post if you haven’t yet, I’ll link it below, then come right back, because this is the part where we figure out what to actually do about it.
That’s where today’s post picks up. Because once you understand that your nervous system is broadcasting 24/7 to your dog, to the people around you, and most importantly, to your own body, the next natural question is: what do you do about it? Especially if it’s been dysregulated for a long time. Especially if you’ve been carrying stress or trauma in your body without even fully realizing it.
Nervous system regulation isn’t a wellness buzzword. It’s a real, physiological process, and the good news is, there are gentle, natural ways to support it.
First, What Does a Dysregulated Nervous System Actually Feel Like?
Not everyone walks around feeling obviously anxious or on edge. Nervous system dysregulation can look a lot of different ways. It might feel like:
- Chronic low-level anxiety you’ve just accepted as normal
- Exhaustion that doesn’t go away no matter how much you sleep
- Difficulty feeling joy or pleasure, even in things you used to love
- Overreacting to small stressors, or not reacting at all when you should
- Tight jaw, tense shoulders, shallow breathing
- Digestive issues, skin flare-ups, or immune challenges with no clear cause
- A constant feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop
Any of those feel familiar? You’re not alone. And here’s something that might surprise you, your body may be holding on to stress or trauma from events that happened years ago, even decades ago. The jaw is a particularly common storage site for old tension. I’ve read that people can carry unresolved trauma in their jaw muscles for 15 years or more. I’ll be honest when I first came across that, I paused and thought about my own jaw. The way it feels tight in the morning. The times I’ve caught myself clenching without realizing it. Chances are I’ve got some old tension parked in there too.
The body keeps the score, as the saying goes. And the nervous system is the record keeper.
Understanding Why Your Nervous System Gets Stuck
We’re wired for survival. Our autonomic nervous system has two main states we talk about a lot in wellness circles, the sympathetic (fight-or-flight) and the parasympathetic (rest-and-digest). When something stressful happens, your system is designed to activate, respond, and then return to calm. But modern life, and especially unresolved trauma can keep your system stuck in activation mode, even when the threat is long gone.
Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory adds another layer to this that I find incredibly helpful: there’s a third state, called the dorsal vagal state, which is more of a freeze or shutdown response. This is the nervous system saying, ‘I’ve been overwhelmed for so long, I’m just going to go offline for a while.’ This can show up as numbness, disconnection, fatigue, or that flat, going-through-the-motions feeling.
Benji, in his own gentle way, seems to notice all three. When I’m wired and buzzing, he gets restless with me. When I’m truly grounded, he parks himself next to me and melts into the couch. And when I’m in that disconnected, just-surviving mode, he’ll put his head in my lap like he’s gently asking me to come back. Dogs are extraordinary like that.
How to Start Regulating Your Nervous System Naturally
Here’s what I want you to know: you don’t need to overhaul your entire life to start supporting your nervous system. Small, consistent inputs make a real difference over time. These are the practices and tools I come back to again and again.
Slow, Intentional Breathing
This one sounds too simple to work. It’s not. When you intentionally slow your exhale to be longer than your inhale, you directly activate the parasympathetic nervous system through the vagus nerve. Try four counts in, hold for four, and eight counts out. Even three rounds of this can shift your physiology. I sometimes do this while Benji is settled in my lap, his breathing slows too, and honestly, I’m not sure which one of us is regulating the other.
Somatic Movement
The body stores stress and trauma physically, which means it also releases it physically. Somatic practices, like trauma-informed yoga, shaking exercises (yes, literally shaking your body), or even slow, intentional stretching, help discharge stored nervous system activation. The jaw is a great place to start. Try gently massaging the masseter muscles (the thick muscles on either side of your jaw just in front of your ears), doing slow side-to-side jaw rolls, or simply holding your hands over your jaw and letting warmth and attention go there. It sounds small. It can bring up surprisingly big feelings.
→ Jaw release massage tool — great for daily tension
Magnesium — The Nervous System’s Best Friend
Magnesium is one of the most important minerals for nervous system function, and most people are deficient in it. It plays a direct role in regulating the stress response, supporting muscle relaxation (including that jaw!), and promoting quality sleep. Magnesium glycinate is the form I recommend most for nervous system support. It’s gentle on the stomach and highly absorbable.
Safe Relationship and Co-Regulation
Here’s something that often gets overlooked: our nervous systems regulate in relationship with other nervous systems. This is called co-regulation, and it’s one of the reasons spending time with a calm, safe person (or animal) can genuinely shift how you feel. Benji is one of my greatest co-regulators. When I sit with him, breathe with him, and feel his warmth, something in my body settles. This isn’t just comfort. This is nervous system science. Seek out the people (and pets) in your life who bring your system down to a manageable hum.
Getting your bare feet on grass or soil, placing your hands in earth or water, feeling textures, noticing temperature. These sensory inputs send safety signals to your nervous system. They say to your body: you are here, you are present, you are not in danger. Spending even 10 minutes outside with Benji in the morning has become one of my most reliable regulation anchors.
Herbal Support for the Long Game
Certain herbs have a long, documented history of supporting the nervous system’s resilience and stress response. Ashwagandha, holy basil (tulsi), passionflower, and skullcap are among my favorites. These aren’t quick fixes — they work over time, building the body’s adaptive capacity. I’ll be going deeper on each of these in upcoming posts, but if you’re looking to get started, a good adaptogen blend through Nature’s Sunshine is a solid foundation.
A Note on Old Trauma Stored in the Body
If you’ve realized while reading this that you might be carrying more than just day-to-day stress. If some of what I described in the jaw, the chronic tension, the shutdown states feels deeply familiar please know that regulation work is most powerful when paired with professional support. Somatic therapists, trauma-informed practitioners, and body-centered counselors are trained to guide you through releasing what’s been stored safely and gently. This blog can be a starting point, a resource, a place to explore, but it’s not a replacement for real support when you need it.
Your nervous system has been doing its best to protect you. All of these practices, at their root, are simply ways of saying to your body: I see you. You’re safe now. You can rest.
I’m still learning to say that to my own.
🐾 Companion read: This week over on Joan of Bark, I wrote about the science behind why Benji always knows when I’m off and it pairs beautifully with this post. If you want to understand exactly how your dog is reading your nervous system in real time, go check it out. → Joan of Bark — How Dogs Sense Your Nervous System
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Disclaimer: The information in this post is for educational purposes only and is not intended to substitute professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your physician or qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or before beginning any new herbal regimen.
